An Open Letter to the Meat Burners in My Building

Dear Idiots Who Must Cook Meat,

If you are going to cook a substance that renders fat as it gets hot, which then drips over the edge of your pan, you have to clean your oven.  You also have to turn it off.  Because you see, now two separate apartments in this building in the past several weeks have caused the fire alarm to go off, at night, in the freeing cold.  And it’s not a hair trigger alarm, either.

Yes, it is you, meat eaters.  Burning fatty animal flesh smells pretty distinctive.  Vegetables don’t smell that way when you burn them.  Neither does tofu.  Or cookies.  Delicious vegan cookies do not smell like bacon when you burn them, and this is a good thing.  So you see, I know you were cooking meat.  Either go vegan, or learn to use your oven appropriately.

Preferably do both.

Thank you,

Your tired and cold top floor neighbor, who hates walking back up six flights of stairs when she was previously ready to sleep.

P.S.  This is one of those times where I really want to use much stronger language than “idiots,” but I try to keep it clean on the blog.  

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